Today is my Mom’s birthday. This is my first year without her, and I still find myself in grief. At the same time, I know she’d want me to celebrate her spirit, not her loss. This is something I try to do daily.

Instead of focusing on her absence, this feels like a better way to show how generous and thoughtful she was.

Wearing Hers First

I used to wear my Mom’s initial ring all the time when she wasn’t wearing it. It started when I was 13.

The first time she saw me wearing it, I was trying to open a pickle jar. She wasn’t mad. She thought it was funny, but gently asked me to take it off while opening pickle jars.

There was something about how bold and gold it was that made it so appealing. I didn’t care that it was a G. I felt like a G wearing it.

This was around the time when silver jewelry was everywhere, but I didn’t care. I didn’t see other moms wearing anything like that.

When She Gave Me Mine

Fast forward to my 34th year. My Mom was going back to the Philippines every other year for Christmas. I would stay back because of work, and two weeks never felt like enough time for a trip like that.

I’d pick her up from the airport and bring her home, and she would immediately start going through her suitcases. She always brought gifts from herself and from family. Usually Hello Kitty things we don’t have here.

This time, she pulled something out of her pocket.

She said she mostly went to church and didn’t shop much, but she had this made for me.

It was the ring.

Realizing What It Was

I couldn’t believe it.

It never occurred to me that one could be made for me, let alone with diamonds. She had diamonds put in hers too, but I never thought about having my own version.

I was completely floored. This is still the most meaningful gift I’ve ever received.

It was already sized for me. Hers is a 3.75, mine is a 4.

What It Means Now

This ring was my first introduction to statement jewelry. It was also custom, which feels close to the handmade world I like so much.

Since my Mom passed, I haven’t cleaned either ring. I can’t bring myself to clean hers because it was something she wore regularly.

There was a point where I couldn’t wear mine because I had gained weight. Now I can wear both comfortably, but I have this quiet worry about not being able to wear them again.

I don’t want to be in a position where I can’t.

Conclusion

A lot of how I choose to live my life comes from my Mom’s spirit.

I started this blog again, and even created another one, because she always encouraged me to do what I like, not what others expect me to do.

When I wear these rings, it reminds me that she’s still supporting me and wants me to do my best.

I am. I’m doing the best I can.